


the indispensable first step

by tattooedsiren



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Episode Tag, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-21 10:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4826024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tattooedsiren/pseuds/tattooedsiren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mike had kinda been expecting something like this ever since he found out Harvey had quit. And the truth was there was a part of him that longed for this opportunity. It was everything he could want; working with Harvey again, doing a job he loved in a way that wasn't committing a felony on a daily basis.<br/>"You have no idea how much I want to say yes, Harvey. But I can't. If I do anything in the legal world it's a risk. And I won't do that to you."<br/>Harvey looked at him intently, eyebrow slightly furrowed. "And Rachel too, right?" he asked, the question weirdly pointed, like it <i>meant</i> something.<br/>Mike swallowed. "Yeah, of course," he replied dismissively. "Rachel too."</p><p>[tag to ep 5x10 - Faith]</p>
            </blockquote>





	the indispensable first step

**Author's Note:**

> So I wanted to write a little 2k post-5x10 tumblr fic that ignored the last scene and explored the idea of Harvey and Mike both quitting and maybe going to work together in some capacity. That's not really what this ended up being, both in terms of content and length lol. This fic ended up being too long to really add to _all the words in the wold may not be enough_ , and I didn't really spend as much time editing and finessing it as I have my other AO3 fics. Plus this wasn't beta-ed. Basically my point is that there could well be some silly mistakes in this, so I apologise in advance. :O)
> 
> Thanks to my tumblr peeps who helped me with the title by voting for their favourite option, even though it kinda ended up being a draw lol. It comes from the quote “The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want." by Ben Stein.

The apartment was unnervingly quiet.

He'd never noticed that before. Normally whenever he was home Rachel was there too, and even if they weren't doing something together there was still noise as she moved around the apartment or typed at her laptop while she studied. But she'd gone off to work bright and early this morning and Mike had gotten up and had breakfast and dressed for the day, even though he had nowhere to go, and the apartment was just so silent.

He didn't regret it. It was the right decision, and he knew that. He didn't even regret not giving two weeks' notice. A clean break was best for all involved. But still, it was a shock to the body, constantly going at a hundred miles an hour and then just … stopping.

He lingered over breakfast for as long as possible. When that was done he moved to the couch, turning on the TV and flicking through the channels. He used to be able to watch daytime TV for hours on end, but then again he was high at the time, and clearly that went a long way to making morning talk shows palatable. He let out a heavy sigh and contemplated putting on a movie when there was a knock at the door.

A very familiar knock.

Confused, Mike crossed the lounge to the door, knowing it was going to be Harvey and yet still surprised to see the man standing at his door. Because Harvey should be at the office, not standing at his door in jeans and a Henley, looking like he's never worked a day in his life.

"What are you doing here?" Mike asked, somewhat desperate, because it was nearly ten am and Harvey should be at work so if he was here it meant that something was wrong.

"Can I come in?" Harvey asked, which didn't exactly help ease Mike's anxiety, because Harvey never asked if he could come in, he just barged in whenever the will took him.

Still, Mike was never one to deny Harvey, so he stepped back, waved an arm in welcome and trailed behind Harvey, joining him on the couch.

"Shouldn't you be at work?" Mike asked, because with everything that had been happening lately Pearson Specter Litt needed its Specter.

"About that," Harvey said, and for some reason he chuckled ruefully. "There was something I was going to tell you last night, but then you quit and I didn't get the chance."

"Okay, what is it?" Mike asked, nervous, bracing himself for more bad news.

"You weren't the only one to quit yesterday."

Mike's brain couldn't compute. It sounded like Harvey was saying… "You resigned? Why would you do that?"

"You quit to save the people you love from jeopardy. Well, I did too. It wasn't going to stop, Hardman and Forstman and Tanner and whoever else had it in for me. There would always be someone waiting in the wings. But if I left, I could save Jessica and Louis and Donna and everyone at Pearson Specter Litt from having to fight those battles over and over again."

"I get it, believe me I do. But Harvey, you love your job."

"I do. But I'm also tired of fighting all the time."

Mike let out a long breath. It was too surreal to wrap his head around. _Harvey had quit_. He thought Harvey would be working at PSL until the day they discovered his mummified body at his desk, and he told Harvey as much without really thinking it through, worried as soon as the words left his mouth that Harvey might be offended by it. But Harvey just laughed lightly and said, "You and me both."

There was a brief silence. Mike still needed to process this news and Harvey just sat there, letting him. After a few minutes Mike said, "Coffee?"

Harvey nodded, so Mike got up and headed to the kitchen, busying himself making them both a drink. Harvey had wandered over and was perched at the bar, and when Mike made the drinks and slid one to Harvey and no longer had something to keep himself distracted he asked, "What are you going to do now?"

Harvey shrugged. "Honestly I have no idea. What about you? What are you going to do?"

Mike chuckled, but there was an edge to it he couldn't hold back. "I don't know. It's not exactly like I have a lot of options."

He half expected Harvey to give him some kind of pep talk, the kind where it was actually half insults and half admonishments, because they were the only kind that Harvey really gave. But damn if they didn't work on Mike better than sweet and placating words. Still, the pep talk didn't eventuate, and he could feel them both sinking into a funk.

"Hey," he said, getting Harvey's attention. "I was just about to watch a movie. Wanna join me?"

Harvey smiled. "Sure."

 

*

 

Mike wandered aimlessly around the apartment. He did some cleaning, flipped through one of the wedding magazines on the coffee table, stared at his DVD collection for a good half hour trying to find something to watch.

In the end he grabbed his jacket, pulled his bike from the building's storage locker, and rode over to Harvey's.

Harvey didn't look surprised to see him.

"I hate the quiet," Mike complained as he walked in without waiting for an invite. "Have you noticed how quiet it is when you're holed up in your apartment all day?"

Harvey glanced at his watch. "It's eleven am, Mike."

"You know what I mean. Doesn't it annoy you, after spending twelve hours a day at work with the constant hum of noise and activity to suddenly be so alone and quiet?"

"It doesn't bother me," Harvey shrugged.

"Ugh, of course not," Mike very nearly whined, collapsing on the couch. It was just as comfortable as he remembered from his brief stay here. He was suddenly overcome with the desire to curl up on the couch and never leave, but he shook the thought away before it could linger.

Harvey looked at him for a moment and then let out a resigned sigh, like he'd just conceded a long argument. "Alright, fine, let's go."

"Where?" Mike asked, perking up.

"I don't care. Let's go find you somewhere less quiet."

"You're awesome," Mike grinned, heading to the door.

"I bet you say that to all your ex-employers."

 

*

 

"Hey, you're home," Mike said brightly as Rachel walked into the apartment.

"Yeah, I forgot my Intellectual Property textbook and I'm going to be late to class," she replied, already heading to the corner of the lounge where she kept her school things.

"Oh."

Rachel looked up at Mike, an expression he couldn't decipher coloring her face. "I have late classes on Thursday, remember?"

"Yeah, of course," Mike smiled, as bright as he could to try and cover up feelings he couldn't begin to process.

Rachel crossed the room and kissed him. "I'll see you later."

Mike nodded. "Of course."

He watched her walk back through the door. Alone again.

 

*

 

Mike could feel Harvey's gaze heavy on him as he ate his lunch. He tried to ignore it but of course that didn't last long. When he looked up and met his eyes Harvey didn't even flinch or pretend he hadn't just been staring Mike down. Instead he asked, "Are you okay?"

"Fine."

Harvey just looked at him like he was an idiot. It was an expression Mike was all too familiar with.

"Have you figured out what you're going to do with yourself, now you aren't…?" Mike asked. From an outsider's perspective the question might have appeared to be a deflection, but Harvey knew him too well. Knew exactly how this was related.

"I've thought about going into business for myself, opening my own practice. I'm sure Jessica would waive my non-compete."

Mike nodded. He figured Harvey might say something like that. And he braced himself for what he knew was going to come next.

"Would you want to come and work with me? Not as a lawyer, I know you don't want to risk that anymore and I'm onboard with that plan. But we could get around it somehow. Have you be my legal consultant or paralegal or something. Keep your name off all the official records but you'd still be helping me, still be working on the cases."

And there it was. Mike had kinda been expecting something like this ever since he found out Harvey had quit. And the truth was there was a part of him that longed for this opportunity. It was everything he could want; working with Harvey again, doing a job he loved in a way that wasn't committing a felony on a daily basis. But there was still one problem.

"And what happens when someone questions why your former associate has been relegated to the role of paralegal?"

Harvey opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

"You have no idea how much I want to say yes, Harvey. But I can't. If I do anything in the legal world it's a risk. And I won't do that to you."

Harvey looked at him intently, eyebrow slightly furrowed. "And Rachel too, right?" he asked, the question weirdly pointed, like it _meant_ something.

Mike swallowed. "Yeah, of course," he replied dismissively. "Rachel too."

 

*

 

"I'm going out of my mind, Harvey. I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do."

"I can't do that, Mike."

"Worst friend ever," Mike grumbled, but there was too much affection in the statement for it to be ever taken seriously.

Harvey smiled, because of course he knew Mike didn't really mean it, and he joined Mike on the couch.

"I blame you, you know," Mike said, rubbing a hand over his face. He was so tired. Which was kinda ridiculous since he'd been unemployed for weeks now and no longer had to get up at a ridiculous hour. But he was. He was exhausted but it wasn't just in his body. His soul felt tired, and he hadn't felt like this for a long time.

"Blame me for what?"

"Before you I was perfectly content whiling away the day doing nothing and scraping by on odd jobs. But you found me, you chose me, and gave me a new life as a helpful and functioning person in society. And I can't go back to that now, but I can't go forward either, because I have no qualifications that could land me a decent job but I don't know that I could go back to messengering or any of the odd jobs I've had. I'm stuck."

Harvey just put a comforting hand on Mike's knee but didn't reply.

"Sometimes I wish I'd never met you."

"No, you don't."

Mike really wished he could argue.

 

*

 

"I'm sorry I'm late," Rachel said as she approached the table, leaning over and kissing his lips before sitting opposite him.

"That's okay," Mike said. He was kinda used to it, to be honest. "Everything alright?"

Rachel nodded. "You know, still just dealing with the Soloff and Hardman mess. I know we won when Harvey left but you'd be surprised at how much work we still need to do. Just when we think it’s all over something else pops up that needs to be dealt with. It'll be another long day tomorrow."

Mike nodded absently. He understood, really, he did. But he couldn't help the flare of resentment. He knew that Pearson Specter Litt had been shaken to its core, that with Harvey leaving the foundations had shifted and everyone was figuring out how to deal with it. But you know what? Mike's life had been shaken up too. And he'd been worried before that Rachel would leave him. Clearly he should've been more worried about whether she'd actually be around to support him.

"So what happened today?" Mike asked, because he needed to get his mind onto a different track. So she told him about what had been happening, their latest case, the continuing fallout from everything that happened. And it wasn't that he didn't care, because he did. He'd always feel indebted to Jessica, and he had friends there, and Rachel was right in the middle of it (since she was no longer Harvey's associate and there were continuing issues about her place in the company). But as he listed to her talk he couldn't help but feel something he never had before: a sense of detachment.

 

*

 

Mike knew it was messed up, that after a morning surfing the internet and trying to figure out what the next phase of his life would contain and getting frustrated at not being able to figure it out, that when he wanted to see a friendly face he went to Harvey instead of to Rachel.

He rationalized the feeling away as best he could. Rachel would be busy, he didn't want to disturb her at work and come face to face with all the people he'd left behind, be reminded of the life he loved but no longer had. Harvey was more available, and he hadn’t seemed to mind Mike showing up at random intervals, which was the only reason Mike thought of going to Harvey instead of Rachel.

Excuse solidified in his mind, Mike hopped on his bike and rode over to Harvey's place.

He knocked on Harvey's door, only it wasn't Harvey who answered. Mike froze, his half formed greeting dying in his throat. The stranger looked Mike up and down and then grinned. "You must be Mike."

Mike nodded, confused.

"I'm Marcus, Harvey's brother," Marcus said, holding out his hand.

Still dazed though now slightly less confused, Mike shook his hand. Marcus kept grinning at him, like he knew something Mike didn't, and it was unnerving. Still, Marcus welcomed Mike inside warmly, telling Mike how good it was to meet him at last.

Mike would've liked to reply - although his brain was still spinning not only from finally meeting Harvey's infamous brother but by the implication that Harvey must've talked to him about Mike - but any words his brain had half formed died when he walked into the lounge and saw Harvey crawling on all fours, two young children on his back, riding him like a horse.

Harvey hadn't noticed him yet, and at the little girl's prodding he made some noises, neighs that were elongated and high pitched. Mike couldn't help the snort of laughter and it got Harvey's attention, Harvey freezing in place and slowly turning to face Mike, his expression a picture of a man who'd been caught but was still really hoping he could make it out alive.

"Not a word," Harvey cautioned, and Mike put his hands up in surrender, still laughing. "I see you two have met," Harvey added, and Marcus nodded happily beside him.

"You stay there," Marcus said, "Mike and I will occupy ourselves. Drink, Mike?"

"Sure."

Mike trailed after Marcus to the kitchen, managing to restrain himself to simply one backwards glance at Harvey playing with his niece and nephew.

"Coffee?"

"Sounds good."

Marcus started pulling mugs from the cupboards and preparing their drinks. "What are your kid's names?" Mike asked.

"Freya and Nolan."

"Nolan looks exactly like you."

Marcus chuckled. "Right? There are no aspersions to be cast over his parentage whatsoever. But he has Katie's temperament, which is probably the better combination."

"How old are they?"

"They're nearly four."

"Twins? Wow, that sounds hardcore."

"You have no idea." Marcus slid a mug over to Mike, who accepted it with a smile. "You have any kids?"

"No. Maybe one day."

Harvey joined them then, and Marcus smiled at Mike before slipping away.

"I'm sorry," Mike blurted before he could help himself. "I should've called. I know you like to keep your family life separate from work and that you probably didn't want me meeting them like-"

"Mike, it's okay," Harvey said gently, a somewhat bemused smile gracing his features. "We don't have a work life to keep separate anymore, remember? And besides, I told you, you're family. I'm glad my two families got to meet."

Mike grinned in reply, a warmth he couldn't name spreading throughout his body. He was soon distracted by Nolan running past them, Freya following not long later. They did a lap of the kitchen counter before crashing into Harvey and Mike's legs.

"Who're you?" Nolan asked.

Mike crouched down to Nolan's level. "I'm Mike. I'm a friend of your uncle's."

"Hi," Nolan smiled enthusiastically, holding out his little fist. Mike laughed, bumping his fist on Nolan's.

"What's your name?"

"I'm Nolan and this is Freya," he said, wrapping an arm around his sister.

"Well it's very nice to meet you both. Cool t-shirt, Nolan. Batman's my favorite superhero."

"Me too!" Nolan exclaimed excitedly, eyes wide.

Freya, clearly wanting to be part of the discussion, took a step forward and pointed to her top. "I'm a princess Elsa."

Mike chuckled. He gave her an exaggerated bow and told her solemnly, "It's an honor to meet you, Your Royal Highness."

Freya giggled happily, before turning her attention to Harvey. "Uncle Harvey, I'm hungry," she announced.

"Alright, I'll put some dogs on for lunch. Go play while they cook."

The kids scampered off, squealing as they went. When Mike stood he said to Harvey, "Dogs?"

"Hot dogs. It's what they always have when they're here for lunch."

"Now why am I not surprised?" Mike grinned.

Marcus appeared from nowhere, sitting at the breakfast bar. "You're staying for lunch, aren't you, Mike?"

Mike glanced quickly to Harvey, who nodded. "Sure."

Mike ended up staying all afternoon. Harvey's family was wonderful. The kids, though occasionally over-excited, were a bundle of fun. They took a shining to Mike, and the three of them spent over half an hour sitting in the corner of the room, Mike reading the same three books over and over again and answering the kids never ending questions about them. He chatted amiably with Marcus, who was one of the most genial and easy going men Mike had ever met. He had quiet conversations with Harvey as the kids made a mess of Harvey's lounge. He helped build massive block towers, which Harvey of course turned into a competition, Harvey and Freya against Mike and Nolan to see who could build the tallest tower. Marcus declared it a draw.

Mike tore himself away when dinner time approached, and after hugging the kids goodbye Marcus insisted on walking him to the door. Mike smiled at Harvey, nodding in farewell, before walking out with Marcus.

"They're great kids," Mike told him honestly.

"Thanks. You're great with them. You've never worked with kids before?"

Mike shook his head.

"Too bad. You're really good at it. Anyway, I just wanted to say that it was great to meet you at last."

Mike smiled. "You too. Maybe I'll see you around?" he asked, embarrassed by how hopeful he sounded.

"Definitely," Marcus grinned.

 

*

 

Mike couldn't get Marcus's words out of his head. He thought about it for days, not because he wasn't certain, but because he didn't know how to go about it.

In the end he went to Father Sam. He told him everything; that he'd quit, that he was trying to find a new passion, that he thought he'd be good at something with kids - maybe tutoring, since he could remember any fact he learnt and loved helping people - but he didn't know where to even start. Father Sam smiled happily the whole time, told Mike to let him look into it.

Mike gave the man his thanks, shaking his hand. It felt like water under the bridge.

At the end of the week Father Sam called him to say there were four separate families expecting his call.

 

*

 

"So what's this news then?" Rachel asked, taking a sip from the wine Mike had poured.

"Well," Mike grinned. "I know what it is I'm going to be doing."

"Yeah? Tell me."

"Tutoring. I've already spoken to four different parents wanting help with their kids. I'm going to be starting next week."

There was a very pregnant pause. "Tutoring?" Rachel repeated, dumbfounded.

Mike's face fell. "Is that a problem?"

"No, no of course not, it's just … surprising."

The way she said it made Mike think it wasn't so much surprising as disappointing. "You don't think I should be doing this?"

"I didn't say that," Rachel replied, slightly defensive.

"You didn't have to. I know you, Rachel. You think this is a waste, right? That I should be doing something more impressive with my life, right?"

"That's not fair, I didn't say that."

"Am I wrong?"

Yet another pregnant pause. Mike scoffed in hollow victory, turning away.

"It's just-" Rachel hopped off the stool, stepping closer, "you could do anything, Mike. With a brain like yours. You could do anything you want."

"No, Rachel, I can't. Don't you get it? I'm not qualified to do _anything_ , and unlike you I can't get someone else to pay for my education. That really limits my options. And really, did it occur to you that maybe I _want_ to do this. That I'm excited that I've finally found something I'm interested in and can actually do?"

"Mike-" Rachel said gently, reaching out, but Mike just shrugged her off and went to their bedroom, closing the door behind him.

 

*

 

Tutoring was awesome. The kids were great, a combination of those who had fallen behind their class slightly and needed extra help and those who were at the top of their class but wanted to get even further ahead than that. He spent several days doing nothing but researching, reading all he could on curriculums and teaching methods and education practices and theorems. It felt good to give his brain a work out again.

 

*

 

"So I'm not going to practice law anymore," Harvey mentioned one day, in passing, like it was an afterthought, like he wasn't announcing that he was leaving something that had been a large part of his life for the better part of two decades.

To say Mike was shocked was an understatement. "Really? I thought you were going to set up your own firm?"

"I thought about it, but … Well, it doesn't matter why. I've decided. I'm not going back."

"Aren't you going to miss it?"

"Probably," Harvey admitted. "But I'm ready to slow down a bit. I don't need the money, not really. I could use a change of pace; do something on a smaller scale."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Harvard have asked me to come do some guest lecturing. I got the impression it could turn into a semi-regular thing. And I've…" Harvey trailed off, nervous, and Mike just nudged him gently, prompting him with raised eyebrows. "I've started working on a book. I haven't gotten very far," he hastily added at Mike's excited face, "just the outline for the first few chapters, but it could be good."

"That's awesome. What's it about?"

"It's non-fiction, just about some of the cases I've had over the years. I thought it might be good for students and Associates, so, it'll be a niche market," he chuckled.

"Well if you ever need someone to proof it let me know."

Harvey smiled softly. "Will do."

 

*

 

"What do you think of this?" Rachel asked, handing over an open magazine.

Mike took it and looked down at the page. There was a picture of glass vase full of white flowers, about three different kinds that he could probably name if he put his significant memory to use but he couldn't find the will to try. They looked fine though, and to be honest he didn't really care, so he smiled and said, "Perfect."

Rachel smiled happily, taking the magazine back and putting a post-it note on the top corner of the page. Truth was that even though he left Pearson Specter Litt and tried to minimize the jeopardy his fraud had caused them, he still couldn't give Rachel her dream wedding. He didn't have the friends and family she did to fill up his side of the aisle, they couldn't invite the important and influential people Rachel's family wanted to invite. And the thing was, even if he could, even if he could give Rachel the wedding she'd always dreamed of, it wouldn't be _his_ dream wedding. At the end of the day, yes, all that he really cared about was standing next to the person he loved and saying _I do_ , no matter the circumstances, but if he had his way it'd be him and his partner and a justice of the peace to marry them and that's it.

He didn't tell Rachel any of this. He let her choose the flowers and the table settings and the music. He gave her free rein, letting her have the closest thing to a dream wedding as she could.

And he hoped that by making her happy that he'd start to feel that way himself.

 

*

 

Time moved quickly again, now that Mike was working, had something he was passionate about to take up his time.

He went three days without seeing Rachel, who was too busy at work and school to be home before eleven pm or after six am. It wasn't the first time this had happened since Mike had quit, and he was sure it wouldn't be the last.

 

*

 

Word began to spread about Mike's tutoring, and he soon doubled the amount of students he had.

He loved all his kids, but his favorite was probably Charlie. Charlie was ten years old, lived in Queens, and had a single mom who adored him but was busy working to keep a roof over their heads. Charlie was bright, but he had a hard time processing the information he was given. Mike wasn't a doctor, and he hadn't been trained in education, but he had a brilliant mind and the passion to learn, so he spent hours and hours researching, trying to come up with different techniques to try to help Charlie's learning. And seeing the progress they made, even if it was baby steps, confirmed to Mike that he'd made the right decision.

 

*

 

Harvey's hours were more similar to Mike's than Rachel's were.

Between work and school Rachel was away pretty much all day during the week. The weekends were better, she was home more, but she was still studying or doing work from home, and often had to go out for work emergencies or study groups. Mike had sessions during the week in the afternoons and early evenings, and then again during the day on the weekends. They were barely home at the same time.

He told himself that it wouldn't last. They just had to get through this and things would calm down and go back to the way they were. Mike repeated it to himself so often that the words began to lose all meaning, the way you look at a word so hard that it stops looking like an actual word.

Mike spent his mornings at Harvey's. He never had any tutoring sessions, but he did have to plan for them. He could do that anywhere - at home, at a library - but he liked going to Harvey's. The first time he showed up on Harvey's doorstep with his laptop and books Mike could sense the confusion from Harvey, but Harvey had gone with it. Now, he didn't even question it. He left the front door unlocked so Mike could just come in and had lunch delivered for them promptly at twelve (which Mike wanted to point out was an extravagance they could both probably do without now they weren't making the money they used to, but he could never make himself say it).

It was good, working side by side with Harvey again, even if they weren't working on the same thing. Harvey could ask his opinion on something he'd written or Mike could talk him through any writer's block he had, their conversations often sparking a solution to Harvey's problem. Mike could vent to Harvey about how the education system was failing his kids or ask his opinion when he was getting frustrated trying to come up with a good program for his students.

It was so much better than working alone.

 

*

 

Mike had just gotten home from a tutoring session (with Lizzy, a spunky sixteen year old who wanted to get into pre-med) when his cell rang. He pulled it from his satchel, still slung over his chest, and smiled when he saw the caller ID.

"Hey."

"Why did I ever think it would be a good idea to write a book?" Harvey grumbled.

Mike laughed. "Because you are a badass lawyer who is unfairly good at everything he does and the world needs to know of your awesomeness?"

Harvey let out a breathy chuckle. "Well when you put it like that…"

Mike grinned, pleased he could help make Harvey feel better. "So what's wrong?"

"This chapter is killing me. I need to get out for a bit. Feel like catching a movie or something?"

"Sounds good. Let me just get changed and I'll head over to your place."

"Okay. See you soon."

Mike hung up the phone and went to the bedroom to change. He no longer wore the corporate suits he once spent more time in than out of, but he wanted to still look professional, so he mostly just wore suit pants and shirts to his sessions, the lack of tie or jacket upping the casual level. He changed out of his shirt and pants into jeans and a t-shirt, stuffing his wallet, phone and keys into his pockets before grabbing a jacket and leaving the apartment.

He was on the curb, trying to hail a cab, when Rachel appeared from around the corner. He dropped his hand, confused. She'd been busy with a case all week and he wasn't expecting her home until late.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

Rachel's face fell slightly. "I got off work early. I wanted to surprise you. I thought we could go grab some dinner or something."

Mike didn't know why, but he started to feel angry. "I can't, I have plans."

"With who?"

"Harvey."

"He won't mind if you cancel. Come on, Mike, we haven't had a night out in ages."

"And whose fault is that?" He didn't mean to be harsh, but it was true. He raised his hand again, looking down the street to try and spot a cab.

"Mike, _please_."

"Look, Rachel, I understand the long work hours and commitment to your job. Of course I do. But I can't just sit around the house waiting for you, either. If you had've called me and told me you were coming home early I wouldn't have made other plans. But you didn't. And now I'm not going to cancel on my friend just because you want me to."

A cab pulled up to the side of the road, and Mike opened the door to get in. Rachel took a few steps forward, her face full of anger. "You can see Harvey any time. Why are you picking him over me?"

Mike didn't deign to respond, just got in the car and drove off.

 

*

 

"Are you okay?" Harvey asked when he opened the door.

Mike nodded. He wasn't, not really, had spent the entire cab ride over seething about what happened with Rachel. But this was about distracting Harvey from his book problems, not Mike complaining about his relationship woes, so he put on his best smile and tried to pretend everything was okay. "I'm fine. Come on, let's go."

"Are you sure you want to see a movie? Looks like you need a drink more," Harvey said as they headed out of the building.

"Who says we have to choose? It's not like I have to be up in the morning to be into work by eight anymore. We could totally stay out drinking all night."

Harvey gave him a concerned look but simply said, "Let's just see how we go, shall we?"

They went to the cinema near Harvey's place, watching the latest blockbuster and making sarcastic and derisive comments the whole time. It was the most fun Mike had had in too long. Afterwards they went to a small restaurant a few blocks away, grabbing a quick bite to eat before moving on to a bar down the block. They sat at the bar and drank and talked for hours about nothing. It felt good, to not be thinking about Rachel and their crumbling relationship.

"Alright," Harvey said at last, not long after midnight had come and gone. "We should call it a night."

Mike groaned. "No, I don't waaanna," he moaned, dropping his head down onto the bar. He might've been more than a little drunk.

Harvey laughed at him, sliding off the stool and hooking a hand around Mike's elbows. "Come on, let's get you home."

"I don't wanna go home," Mike complained, even as he allowed Harvey to pull him from the bar.

"Well, I can put you in a cab or you can come and crash on my couch. Dealer's choice."

"Let's go home to your place," Mike said. At that moment Harvey's sounded more inviting and homely than his own apartment.

Harvey somehow managed to get Mike back to his apartment. Mike collapsed - although maybe a more accurate term would be face-planted - on the couch and Harvey went to get a blanket and pillow for him. By the time he got back to the lounge Mike had passed out.

 

*

 

Mike woke feeling like death. He reluctantly opened his eyes, blinking in the too bright room. It became apparent then that he wasn't at home, and he sat gingerly, taking in his surroundings. He was at Harvey's, and the memory of the previous night came crashing down around him. He was still in his jeans and t-shirt - now that he thought about it he vaguely recalled stripping off his jacket and leaving it on the floor in the entryway - and his shoes were neatly placed next to the couch. Now that he definitely didn't do.

"Welcome to the land of the living," a voice said, too loud for Mike's brain to handle.

"Stop yelling at me," he grumbled, rubbing at his face.

Harvey chuckled. Mike dropped his hand and scanned the room, finding Harvey over in the kitchen. "Want some breakfast?"

Mike stood up, and didn't immediately collapse back down, so he counted it as a win. "Just coffee."

He padded over to the kitchen, noticing his jacket folded carefully over the back of a chair at the table as he passed it, collapsing onto the bar stool and accepting the mug Harvey placed in front of him with a grateful smile. Harvey went back to cooking at the stovetop while Mike sat there quietly sipping his coffee. The silence didn't bother him. It was easy, this space between them, like nothing in his life had ever been.

"You sure you don't want any food?" Harvey asked, as he poured his scrambled eggs onto a plate.

"I'm fine," Mike said, and Harvey stood there on the other side of the counter, in a worn Harvard tee and striped sleep pants, eating his breakfast like everything was perfectly normal.

Harvey only managed a few bites before asking, "Did you want to talk about it?"

Mike took a sip of his drink, but as a point of distraction it didn't last long. Harvey wasn't staring him down, had shifted his gaze down to his plate, and Mike knew it was so he didn't feel pressured to talk about it if he didn't want to. He was torn. He wanted to talk, but saying it out loud made it real, and he wasn't sure he was ready for that yet. Once he said it, he couldn't take it back. It was happening. He was actually thinking about…

Mike plucked the fork from Harvey's hand and slid the plate across the counter towards him, scooping up a forkful of eggs and eating it. His stomach protested slightly, but he figured having some food in there was probably better in the long run. Plus it meant he couldn't talk, not if his mouth was full. Harvey didn't protest - which was surprising, since Mike protested every time Harvey stole his food - and maybe that right there showed just how concerned about Mike he really was. He let Mike have a few bites before stealing the fork and plate back.

"I'm thinking about calling off the wedding," Mike blurted. The words were out before he even realized it, and his heart pounded in his chest, nervous for reasons he wanted to ignore.

Harvey just looked at him. There was a hint of surprise, a quick flare of it that probably wasn't discernible to anyone who didn't know Harvey as well as he did, but then his expression was neutral. A little _too_ neutral.

"Just the wedding?" Harvey asked at last, and the _or the whole relationship_ was heavily implied.

Mike tried, but he couldn't keep Harvey's gaze. The moment felt too heavy, too significant, and he couldn't deal with that, not now. "I don't know," he mumbled, looking down at the counter. Harvey's hand stretched out, as if he was going to touch Mike, but before he could Mike slid his hand out of reach. He couldn't deal with Harvey touching him right now. It felt dangerous.

"I've gotta go," he said as he hopped off the seat, grabbing his jacket and going back to the couch for his shoes. He didn't even bother putting them on, just picked them up and headed for the door.

" _Mike_ ," Harvey said, almost like a plea, maybe like an apology, but Mike couldn't, he just _couldn't_ , and Harvey hadn't moved from his spot in the kitchen, so Mike thought that Harvey understood that.

"Thanks for taking care of me," Mike said as he passed Harvey on the way out.

He didn't stop, didn't look back, not even when he heard Harvey's quiet, "Any time," before the door closed behind him.

 

*

 

Mike never imagined feeling this way, and as such he didn't know what to do. He loved Rachel, but it didn't feel the same as it once did. He wanted it to, he wanted more than anything to get their old life back, to be excited about their future together. But no matter how hard he willed his feelings to change they never did.

God knows he tried. He started going in to Pearson Litt (and he felt Harvey's absence from the moment he passed that sign until the moment he left) on a regular basis for lunch with Rachel, he stayed home in the evenings and weekends for when Rachel was able to be away from work and school, and he helped her with her cases or schoolwork when she was home. He wanted to reconnect to her, to recommit to their life together, to give them another chance.

 

*

 

Harvey called him one night when Rachel was home, sitting beside him on the couch as she read through a case file. Mike hadn't seen him in nearly a fortnight, not since he fled Harvey's apartment in all his hung-over glory. He hadn't gone over for their usual working mornings, and the few times Harvey had called Mike had ignored it. He would’ve ignored it now, but Rachel saw Harvey's picture flash on the screen as he called - a picture of Harvey with a mouthful of street cart bagel, scowling at the camera in a way that never failed to amuse Mike - and she gave him this look, like not answering the phone would've been more suspicious than picking up, so Mike did.

"Hey," he said, trying to keep his voice even. He felt guilty, like how he imagined characters in movies always felt when they answered the phone call of a lover in front of their husband or wife.

There was a brief pause, then a, "I wasn't sure if you were going to pick up."

"Sorry, I've just been busy," Mike replied, which wasn't exactly a lie. Trying to focus his life back to Rachel had kept him fairly occupied. But still, he could've picked up when Harvey had called. He just could never bring himself to.

"So I guess dinner tonight is out of the question then, huh?"

Mike glanced over to Rachel, who was watching him intently but then looked away as soon as he looked over. "Yeah, I think so."

"Okay, well, if you change your mind…" Harvey offered, sounding like he knew exactly what the chances of that were.

Mike nodded, even though Harvey couldn’t see. "I will," he promised, even though he knew that he'd never make that call. No matter how much he missed him.

"Take care, Mike."

"You too, Harvey."

Mike hung up the phone and put it back on the coffee table, picking up his textbook and continuing to read. He resolutely did not look at Rachel.

 

*

 

Ostensibly there shouldn't have been a connection - his problems with Rachel and the way he missed Harvey, how he felt like all the time he had spent with Harvey was a betrayal to Rachel, that when he was alone in their apartment he wanted Harvey there more than he wanted Rachel - but there was. Mike knew it, had known it for a while, and it was getting harder and harder to pretend that it didn't change everything.

 

*

 

Mike broke up with Rachel on a Monday night.

It was a long and heated discussion, with recriminations and apologies and yelling and tears. Mike admitted that he felt like his leaving Pearson Specter Litt was supposed to bring them closer together but he'd never felt further apart. That he couldn't be in a relationship with someone he never saw. Rachel threw some pretty nasty accusations his way then, saying that she would've supported him if their positions were reversed. And maybe she would have, but the truth was there was no way to know for certain. All he knew was that he couldn't do this anymore.

"Please, Mike," Rachel said, her face stained with tears. "We can fix this, I know we can."

"I don't," Mike admitted. He watched another tear fall down her cheek, and he hated this, hated hurting her, but he honestly believed this was the right thing to do. "Rachel, from the moment I met you I could see a future with you. No matter what was happening: you finding out I was a fraud or me going to work for Jonathan or you kissing Logan or even when you thought about moving across the country to go to Stanford, no matter what it was I could always see a future for us. But I don't see it anymore. I _tried_ , I did everything I could to try and find my way back to that. But I couldn't."

Rachel sat there, silently staring at him, at a loss for words. He completely understood. There didn't really seem like much else to say after that pronouncement.

"Okay," Mike said, standing. He went to the bedroom and grabbed the bag he'd packed before Rachel got home and then returned to the lounge. "Take as long as you need to…"

Rachel nodded, understanding, and Mike walked over to the door.

"Where are you going to go?" Rachel asked.

Hand on the doorknob, Mike slowly turned and looked at her. He could probably lie, in fact it would probably be the kinder option, but he thought she deserved to know the truth. "You know where."

"Yeah," she said, kinda sad but mostly resigned. "Yeah, I guess I do."

 

*

 

Harvey wasn't home.

Mike wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, that Harvey had answered every time Mike had knocked on his door, whether it was eight in the morning or eleven in the evening, whether Harvey had company or if he was alone, whether he was expecting Mike or not. And now, when Mike needed him more than ever, he wasn’t here.

He knocked a few more times just to be on the safe side, but still no answer. So he did the only thing he could think of and call. He hadn't dialed Harvey's number in too long, but his fingers knew the drill, dialing from muscle memory without Mike even looking at the phone.

"Mike," Harvey answered, sounding slightly breathless.

"Harvey, hey."

"Is everything okay?" Harvey asked, and Mike didn't blame him. Mike had cut him off pretty badly so he wasn’t surprised that Harvey assumed something was wrong for him to be calling after all that.

Mike swallowed thickly. "I - I'm standing outside your door but you're not home."

"I'm at Harvard. I have a lecture in the morning."

"Oh," Mike said, voice small with disappointment.

"What happened?"

No point beating around the bush about it, Mike supposed. "I broke up with Rachel."

There was a very long pause. It was so long in fact Mike checked his phone to make sure they hadn't been cut off. "I'm coming home," Harvey announced, determined.

"What? No, Harvey, it's fine. You don't have to do that."

"Mike-"

"I'm okay, Harvey. Really." Except for the fact that he didn’t really have anywhere else to go and no way was he going back to the apartment and now he'd have to waste money on a hotel and…

"Alright, I want you to go downstairs and see Tom. I'll give him the okay for you to be let into the apartment."

Mike let out a breath of relief. "Are you sure?"

"Of course. I'll call him now. Make yourself at home. I know you know how to do that."

Mike smiled faintly. "Yeah, that's never been a problem."

"Did you want to talk about it?" Harvey asked, voice laced with concern.

"No, at least, not over the phone. We'll talk when you get back."

"Okay. Go downstairs and see Tom."

Mike nodded, already walking down the hallway. "Thanks, Harvey. And I just wanna say, I'm sorry for cutting you off these last few weeks."

There was a brief pause before Harvey replied, "It's okay, Mike. Try and rest up and I'll see you soon."

Mike hung up the phone after Harvey and headed downstairs. True to his word, Harvey must've called Tom, because Mike didn't even have to ask, Tom just handed him a silver key with a bright smile. Mike returned the smile in thanks and headed back upstairs, unlocking the apartment door and heading inside.

 

*

 

The apartment was dark but warm. He turned on lights as he entered, dumping his bag by the kitchen counter. The room was quiet, but it wasn’t the heavy, oppressive silence of his own apartment. It felt inviting, safe. It felt like coming home.

The weirdest thing was that it didn't even feel weird being here without Harvey. As dangerous as it was, this had always felt like home, long before the first time he'd ever spent the night, sleeping on Harvey's couch after Rachel had kissed Logan. It had felt like _his_ from the moment he first stepped inside, which kinda didn't make sense because the aesthetics and furniture of the apartment weren't what he'd choose for himself. But against all reason and logic, he felt home here.

He hoped the feeling would never fade.

Mike was tired. It had been a long, draining day, getting the courage to finally break things off with Rachel, waiting in the apartment all day for her to get home so he could do the deed. He needed some sleep.

Mike looked at the couch, stared at it for a good long minute, but then found himself gravitating to Harvey’s bedroom instead. It was probably the messiest room in the apartment, which meant that the bed was unmade and there was a random pair of socks on the floor. Mike wandered to Harvey’s walk in, going for his pajama drawer. He knew where it was from his previous visits, and Mike didn’t feel bad about opening the drawer, knowing Harvey wouldn’t mind. The first thing he saw was that old Harvard tee, worn and thin. Mike trailed his fingers along the faded letters, but couldn’t bring himself to pull it out. It was too weird. So instead he found a white t-shirt and a pair of check pants. He put them on, knowing full well he had bought his own sleep clothes but just wanting something of Harvey here with him.

He readied for bed in Harvey’s ensuite and then climbed into the large bed. It was, of course, ten times more comfortable and luxurious than his own, and despite the events of the day, lying there in Harvey’s bed, Mike was able to fall asleep pretty easily.

 

*

 

When Mike woke he wasn't alone.

Mike opened his bleary eyes to see Harvey there beside him on top of the covers, half sitting up against the bed head and reading a book like it was the most normal thing in the world. He took a few moments to let the image sink in, to let his fuzzy mind clear, to acclimate to this new world he had awoken to.

He figured he should probably start by apologizing for sleeping in Harvey's bed and not taking the couch like usual, but the words wouldn't come. Because it still didn't _feel_ wrong. It felt like this was where he was meant to be, and he couldn't lie and pretend otherwise.

"Hey," Mike said instead, voice rough with sleep.

Harvey glanced down to him, a small smile flickering over his features before he sobered. "Hey yourself," he replied, turning away to put the book on the bedside table, and when he turned back he shifted down the bed slightly, lying on his side with his head pillowed on the crook of his arm so he could look at Mike from an even level. "How are you feeling?"

Mike thought about it for a second. He didn't really know how to put it into words. He felt sad about hurting Rachel, he mourned the loss of the future he had envisioned for so long, he was excited about moving forward with his life,  but mostly he was just, "Relieved. I feel relieved that it's over, that I can move on."

Harvey nodded carefully. He slowly inched his hand forward, like he was nervous Mike would pull away again, but when he didn't Harvey wrapped his fingers around Mike's, giving them a gentle squeeze. He withdrew his hand again, like he was afraid of pushing his luck, but Mike didn't mind. It was a gesture of comfort that meant the world to Mike. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"What is there to say?" Mike shrugged. "I just didn't-" He stopped mid sentence as a thought alighted in his mind. "Hang on, what time is it?" he said, checking his watch which he hadn't bothered removing the previous night. Because either Mike slept a lot longer than anticipated or… "Weren't you supposed to be giving a lecture this morning?"

Harvey smiled sheepishly. "I told them I had to reschedule. Family emergency."

Mike hadn't planned it this way. He hadn't planned it at all to be honest, because if this was going to happen surely it would've been months or even years down the track. But Harvey must've either flown back to New York at an insanely early hour or spent the better part of the night driving back here just for him, so he wasn't alone, so Harvey could be there for him, and Mike was so overcome with warmth and affection that he leaned forward, burying his face in Harvey's chest, fingers lightly tangled in his Henley. Harvey cupped the back of his neck warmly, and Mike pulled back enough just to look at Harvey for a moment before kissing him.

Kissing Harvey felt like nothing he could ever put into words. It was simultaneously the scariest and easiest thing he'd ever done, and, bizarrely, he felt a tinge of regret. Not because he was sorry it was happening but because he only wished he'd done it years ago.

Harvey pulled away, all too soon for Mike's liking, and he started to panic. Of course Harvey wasn't interested in him like that, of course Mike had just fucked up the one good thing he had in his life. His mind was a swirl of panic for the two seconds it took for Harvey to speak.

"Mike, if that was just you wanting some comfort, or you rebounding or something-"

"It's not," Mike interrupted, because now that his heartbeat was calming and his mind stopped panicking he realized that he knew that look. It was the same one Harvey had when he'd just won an argument or deposition but he'd won it too easily and he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. All he needed was some reassurance that this was real, and Mike was more than happy to oblige. "It's not about that. I want you, Harvey. Part of me has always wanted you."

Mike smiled tentatively, and Harvey returned it. This time it was Harvey who initiated the kiss, and Mike wasted no time deepening it, sliding an arm over Harvey's side and pressing them closer together.

They stopped kissing but didn't part, faces so close Mike could feel the light tickle of Harvey's exhales on his skin. "I think I was meant to love you," Mike confessed in a whisper.

"Love?" Harvey said, voice tinged with amusement and something else Mike couldn't identify.

"Yeah, love," Mike replied. He pulled back to look at Harvey then, wanting Harvey to know so he didn't fuck this thing up before it even started. "And I don't expect you to say it or to even feel it yet. Just, do you think maybe you could? One day?"

Harvey placed a quick but soft kiss on Mike's lips, grinning when he said, "I can pretty much guarantee it."

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://tattooedsiren.tumblr.com/) if you wanna come and say hello. :O)


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